The Hot Dog announcer cuts the the greatest promo in competitive eating history and it’s all marred by ESPN’s shitty connection in the truck. We had Mike Golic Jr. comparing the similarities between Hemingway’s writing prose and Joey Chestnut’s eating prowess and someone at the World Wide Leader trips over a chord in the truck.

So now ESPN hates the promotion of women, diversity, and gluttony? The primary frameworks that this country was built on when they signed the Declaration 200 years ago?

They can’t keep getting away with this! On a day where the headlines should’ve been about Joey Chestnut’s world record performance instead this event will be Zaprudered and questioned for the rest of eternity. The sportsbooks are losing millions of dollars having to refund under bettors. Joey Chestnut is setting records just as Thanos is showing up to Coney Island.

Another thing when does Nathans step in and force Joey Chestnut to retire. Winning by 26 dogs? Get this guy some competition. Where’s Kobayashi? Where is the Black Widow? We need someone to push the Glizzy GOAT. The competition in the Hot Dog Eating contest is like 90s NBA. All Jordan had to do was beat a mailman and a white guy in short shorts. Sorry winning a title over a team led by Jeff Hornacek doesn’t impress me. Where’s Chestnut’s Isiah Thomas? At some point we need to address if this dominance is good for the game of hot dogs.