The fucking French! Oui Oui to those motherfuckers! I take back everything I said about the French being snobby pussies who needed the U.S to bail them out of everything. I take back the fact that their President is the biggest pussy in the world and if this guy who slapped him isn’t being tortured in a bunker underneath the Bastille Palace then Macron is an embarrassment to Les Blues.

The French know who the dominant gas station food chain in Pennsylvania is! I need Mbappe to be slamming a Classic Italian after a hat trick. If this was Sheetz this message would be mowed into cow shit. Sheetz wishes they had a cultural moment like Hoagiefest. $4.99 for a classic Italian with meats, American cheese, hot peppers, pickles, little bit of vinegar, little bit of oil, no tomato or onions, light oregano. Chef’s kiss.

You know who eat’s at Sheetz? Murderers.

You can’t spell Sheetz without Sheet.

Quick power rankings of the Hoagiefest songs:

#1: Hoagie Man

Boogieman’s Delco brother Hoagie Man is a guy that just crushes LSD and meatball subs. Could be on the Billboard Hot 100 if it was signed to Scooter Braun’s label and had a marketing engine behind it.

#2: 2015 Oh Hoagiefest

This song is hoagie mind control. It just feels like you’re cruising down 55 to Wildwood and you need to make a pit stop to the Maurice River Wawa and grab a classic hoagie.

#3: Hoagiefest 2016

Not a bad one. Not a great one. But it gets the job done and the “fun fun fun” is a lot of fun to say.

#4: 2010 Hoagiefest

The one that started it all. Deserves it’s flowers and #4 is a good place to pay homage.

#999: Hoagifest 2017 Rap

This happened in Florida. Don’t even know if it’s actually Wawa who released it, but I don’t care. This is the Florida of Hoagiefest songs. Easy on the bath salts Vanilla Latte w/ Ice.