If this guy is in charge of saving the city he’s doing absolutely the worst job possible. Check the murder rate recently guy? We’re averaging more a murders day than Ben Simmons points in the 4th quarter and all you’re doing is walking around playing dress up in a $15k suit and eye shadow. You ain’t the Batman you’re just some wannabe who looks like him.

We’ve got drunk dudes saying “thank you for your service”?! Show me the services is this guy is providing? How to get on Megans Law without actually diddling a kid? This is pre-crime. I’ve never seen a dad more embarrassed by his son than Batman’s father was. This guy probably worked his dick off for 40 years in construction and put 4 kids through college. Just so his son could run around Philly playing grabass with the Joker?

And how about Batman’s mother with the “who wouldn’t want to be Batman’s mom?” Hey lady…everyone. Batman’s mom was brutally murdered. Do some research on your son’s hobby before you speak. This guy is two bad months on YouTube from him and the Joker having to switch to porn so he can feed his kid. We’re going to have Joker entering the bat cave in nightvision and call it “One Night In Gotham”.

Supposedly this guy was working at a casino before he became Batman. I don’t think that’s how Christopher Nolan built the character arc. Dealing blackjack at Parx to old people blowing their welfare checks who have to take their oxygen masks off to say ‘hit’ until he was fired and developed an itch for crime doesn’t really sell tickets. You know who wants to get shot? People who’ve never been shot. I’m pretty sure your opinion does a complete 180 after you have a bullet in your abdomen. I’m sure everyone in the trauma unit at Penn is beaming with pride they took a bullet. I feel like I’ve left Earth and gone to some upside down world. Bucks County Batman shouldn’t be within 500 feet of a school. A guy who goes to a Dominatrix every couple of months so she can cut him up while being ball gagged? This is a guy I’m supposed to look at as a hero? A guy who gets off on autoerotic asphyxiation? No thanks.

I’m going to need VICE to do a follow up and interview the wife. That would be an interview that is must watch. When did she exactly know she married a crazy person? How fast did the judge sign over full custody of the kids once she introduced the picture of the bat cave into evidence?

My favorite Batman will always be Pete Holmes.