Look at these cult members going nuts like the fucking Pope just walked to the podium. Like they’re at some retreat in South America and unknowingly having a date with some fruit punch later. The Cameron Crazies toe a fine line between lunatic basketball fans and being on the spectrum.

And why is Coach K entering to a song that was popular when Greg Paulus and John Scheyer were in the backcourt? If you think Coach K didn’t have anything to do with the song choice you’re an idiot. For the last 30 years Coach K has done everything in his power to create a narrative of a great man who coaches the game right and recruits the way recruiting is supposed to be done. He’s the most calculated dude when it comes to his image. He scoffed at John Calipari and Bill Self for recruiting one and done’s while he built his team with guys who would buy in for all four years, graduate, and flame out in the NBA. Until he started getting his ass kicked in the NCAA Tournament every year by those teams. Then he would have LeBron or Kobe call when he happened to be on a recruiting visit and talk to the kid and tell them all these awesome things about Coach K and Duke. And doesn’t anyone think it’s weird once Jeff Capel left for Pittsburgh the Blue Devils have sucked?

K’s final act is going to be dying on the court when they start off 6-7 in the ACC. He’s going to crawl into the fetal position again, but this time he’s going to force himself to die. Then they’re going to cancel the rest of the season in memory of Coach K and award Duke the national championship so he can break the 5-5 tie between him and UNC.

And enough of him trying to convince us he’s some humble dude who see’s himself as a donkey instead of a goat. If you got K in a room by himself with no cameras he could recite everyone of his accomplishments line by line.

The Coach K retirement tour is going to make Derek Jeter’s look like child’s play. Virginia is going to give him some bedazzled commemorative sword. Wake Forest is going to name their court after him. Florida State is going to beat them in a meaningless February game like they always do and ask the ACC to instead award the win to Duke. Boeheim and him are going to be playing grab ass pregame and postgame. And UNC is going to be the worst. The amount of gifts and plaques they’re going to shower Coach K with during his last time in the Dean Dome is going to ruin the rivalry forever. You expect me to get up next year for Duke/UNC between Jon Scheyer and Hubert Davis? Gross.