We are officially exiting Earth with these takes on the Eagles throwing the game last night. What is Sal Pal talking about that last night was supposed to be a celebration to end the season? What are we celebrating? The NFC East finally being taken off of life support? Did he not see Alex Smith moving in the pocket like Tiny Tim? Nobody asked for the Eagles to be flexed to Sunday Night in primetime. This is the NFL’s fault. If they thought they were going to get a competitive game from a team in need of draft capital then fire whoever made that decision. Calling for a forensic investigation like we’re in an episode of CSI: Broad St.? Dan Patrick thought he was kidding it was so asinine. This situation is a complete non-story if it’s buried in the 1pm games.

The funniest thing about this whole scenario is the Eagles tanked in plain sight since 11am Sunday. There were 10 starters inactive, Carson Wentz didn’t even dress, they told Alshon to take the night off, Nate Sudfeld was EXPECTED to get extended action, and at one point they didn’t have enough people to field a full team. What the fuck did you think they were going to do? Win one for the Fipper?

Now if you want to be angry at the way the Eagles blatantly tanked in game. Fine. Have at it. Sudfeld probably should’ve just played the whole game. But saying these coaches owe it to the players? Fuck off. The players owe it to the coaches then to show up all 16 games. You can’t let Dallas go off for 28 unanswered last week in a must win. Show some heart against the Browns who were begging you to take that game. And this goes for Giants fans too. Be mad at Evan Engram dropping that pass against the Birds in Week 7. Show up in three of the last four games you lost. In that stretch you scored a combined 13 points at home. And don’t use the Colt McCoy excuse for the Browns game after you were anointing him QB1 when he beat Seattle. Nobody from the NFC East deserves a playoff spot let alone a home playoff game. Turn your anger on the NFL if anything and force them to change their fucked up playoff structure.

Hey Sal Pal you fuck up the #6 pick and it’d be a real shame if we ran into each other at Ralphs down in Queens Village. Maybe we split a nice charcuterie share a nice Merlot as the caprese is being passed around the table while we wait for the Branzino to arrive. Get you all nice and warm, feeling good, and then maybe we see where the night takes us. Not a threat. Not a threat. But when Sonny locks the door we’ll see where the night goes from there.

And Roger Goodell I beg you bring on a forensic investigation! Gobble up all the sideline tapes, find the world’s best lip readers, if you fuck with DeVonta Smith being their at #6 next year it’s a war you’re starting and it’s a war you’re going to get.