The only thing I’m worried about when James Harden comes to Philly is if our strip clubs are big enough. I want to keep my star player happy during the season and I don’t know if Delilah’s or Cheerleaders is up to par. Did you see the size of that club? That was the Taj Mahal of Titties. The strippers in Philly don’t give Dior luggage for the holidays, they give herpes. How are we supposed to compete with the major markets starting to get in on exploratory talks with the Rockets?

A lot of people knock Harden for his lifestyle, but isn’t it more impressive he’s giving teams 37 & 8 on a diet of strip club buffets and Ciroc? When has his lifestyle ever affected his day job? Like after 30 if I have one night that James Harden has daily I wouldn’t bounce back for two weeks. Instead Harden is driving right from the strip club to practice and dropping buckets on your team that night with only two hours of rest. We finally found a guy who could compete with Michael Jordan’s late night heroics and we chastise him. Yea, MJ won 6 rings, but did MJ ever have his jersey retired in the rafters of a strip club?

And if you’re one of those guys that looks for “facts” and “visual evidence” that James Harden was actually in the club with strippers grow up. Did you not see that mountain of dollar bills on the floor? That’s every dollar from one game check of James Harden’s paying for 6 stripper’s college tuition. Do the strippers just see Harden come into the club and claw each other’s eyes out to try to get to a pole nearest him? Watching James Harden walk into the club has to be the stripper equivalent of winning the state lottery or the Super Bowl.