Jesus fucking Christ. That’s an entire vending machine full of Fun-Yuns at 6am on a Monday in Norman, Oklahoma he’s squatting there!

Let’s meme it for the young readers who have the attention span of house mites.

Not even the incompetence of Howie Roseman bypassing on genetic superfreaks for a guy who can’t even bear the sun for more than 5 minutes can ruin Jalen Hurts when he has two redwoods connected to his sternum.

I don’t know much about the Houston powerlifting scene, but Jalen had to clean up right? Something tells me Nick Saban wasn’t showing up to these Harry Potter Slytherin looking extras in high school to talk about being QB1 in the Natty one day.

That kid in the purple’s spine was ready to rip through his back just looking at Jalen deadlift.

I’ve watched so much Jalen Hurts content since waking up that I’m pretty sure we found the answer. I don’t even care we’re a Corey Clement foot away from losing and the fact the entire league has tape on Jalen Hurts and can actually gameplan for him now. He’s got this confidence, this Je Ne Sais Quoi about him that you need in your QB1.

Carson’s mentals are broken and it’s time for a new change of scenery. It’s like leaving a shitty job you’ve been at for 3 years for a new one. Your head picks up off the pillow a little quicker, you see the world clearer, and there’s an extra pep in your step that makes you not have to rely on coffee like you used to just to complete the most menial of tasks. In 6 months you’re going to realize this new job is equally just as shitty as the last one and one day you’ll realize life is just recycling one shitty job for another shitty job that pays just a little bit more than the last one did and then you die. But man if you could bottle up the euphoria of those 6 months and sell it, you’d be a billionaire. Time for Wentz to leave for his next shitty job.

P.S. If Jalen Hurts doesn’t run one in and then crush The Duke between his thighs like the watermelon crushing lady that’s just an all time touchdown celebration wasted honestly.