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I can’t remember anything from the 2017 Phillies season, which makes sense because this is the regular season blurb on the 2017 Phillies Wikipedia page.


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A 17-3 win in April and a triple play in August are great bookends for a very mediocre season. Supposedly, this 66 win team was stealing signs all year. You know how hard it is to know what pitch is coming and you only win 66 games? How bad do you have to be at stealing signs to have below average numbers in BA, SLG, OBP, and OPS? Trotting out Cameron Rupp, Tommy Joseph, and Maikel Franco will do that to you. Matt Klentak probably knew everyone was making advancements in the sign stealing game and had to get Pete Mackanin out of here because his brain couldn’t compute fast enough to relay to hitters what was coming. So he went with the young analytics guy in Gabe Kapler and we know how that ended. Klentak was probably thinking fuck off, we need a guy with a proven history of cheating and that meant bring in King Cheater, Joe Girardi.


I love how everyone’s up in arms about sign stealing in baseball. Baseball? Baseball’s been built on cheating since it came into existent. The Blacksox, Three Finger Mordecai Brown using his nubs to spin the ball, spitballs, pine tar, greenies, steroids, Apple watches, and now sign stealing. Baseball fans speak of baseball being pure like they’re Justine Chapin from Entourage. They’re the girl that is adamant she’s a virgin in high school and you hear she was Eifel Towered at Josh Adam’s party over the weekend. If you ask me we need more sign stealing, pump baseball players with more steroids than Barbarro, and let’s get more foreign substances. Cum on the ball for all I care. Make watching 3 hours of baseball worth it.