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Have you ever been called a pussy by your football coach for putting your hands on your knees after running gassers in 90 degree heat? Or running suicides in the dead of winter because you lost to a team that couldn’t even carry your jock? I’m pretty sure you could tell every coach in America to fuck off after a suicide as long as you had your hands interlocked on the back of your head and you were breathing ‘in through your nose, and out through your mouth’.

Turns out they were dead wrong and the hands on knees motion is highly superior to whatever your coach made you do. Jesus Christ we were such sheep growing up. Who would’ve thought the middle school gym teacher moonlighting as the 7th grade boys basketball coach because no one else wanted the job, didn’t know anything about ergonomics and science behind the proper breathing techniques to re-coop your breath effectively. You give a guy a couple blue Presidential Fitness badges and you think he’s got some clout.

Remember Presidential Fitness tests? Talk about elementary schools building some type of Hunger Games squad of 6-13 year olds in case the world ended. That’s the only reason why any of these tests made sense. How was it necessary for 6 year old Kyle to crank out a pull up? And then they would place you in their caste system of physicality by Blue, Red, and White badges? Slap you with a photocopy of some piece of paper with George W. Bush’s printed on signature and send you on your way. Listen, I’ll be honest with you, I was a white badge guy. Only because you can’t test heart and mental toughness. What the fuck is the sit & reach going to do if this turns into Hunger Games? Do you want the weird kid who can get 18 inches on the sit and reach because he’s a contortionist that weighs 70 lbs or do you want someone more strategic who can put people in the right places when all hell breaks loose. A Facilitator of sorts. If you were good at the sit & reach growing up, it’s very likely you sat by yourself at lunch. Everyone who killed it in the Presidential Fitness tests either went on to D1 or is now that gym teacher. There’s no in between. That’s why a nice middle ground of mediocrity and a red or white badge is the way to go. Can’t set yourself up for failure if you’ve never flown too close to the sun with Icarus.