Disclaimer: There won’t be any Ozark or Jason Bateman jokes in this blog because I only watched season 1 and forget what happened. That guy was launched 30 stories off the balcony. I remember that part. 

 

I’ve been saying it for a month now. You have to test the virus to see what it’s made of. Open everything up and give everyone the free will to make a decision whether to go out and have fun or stay indoors. You want to go out? Great – have at it. As long as you realize you probably can’t see your grandparents, parents, or newborn niece for at least 14 days.

The virus is up 3-1 in the series right now, there’s no denying that, but I’m almost positive it’s going to be labeled a fraud like the 2016 Warriors after this passes. The New York Times came out yelling “Kobe” yesterday printing 100,000 names on the front page of the paper looking for a pat on the back like they were doing God’s work. The average age of people dying is 76-79 years old. It sucks people are dying. But why doesn’t anyone talk about the amount of people who’ve beat it are in the millions. Why’s everything printed or written have to have a negative undertone go along with it?  What if we saw a story about “oh fuck, the Americans actually did a really good job of social distancing and helped the healthcare system remain intact.” 

 

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And how about the kid who’s trying to scold all these people who just want to shake their asses to Lizzo? I hate the “What are we doing?” crowd. It’s almost worse than the donation shaming crowd. I’m not even trying to diminish the kid who tweeted this out when I say this, but I really think he’s 10 years old.

 

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Listen, how about this kid does one shore house summer with all his friends when he’s 21. Then he can tell me how I should enjoy my summer. We earn summer. We sit through cold weather with wind chills in the teens 4 months of the year, 10 feet of snow, people are miserable, and it gets dark at 4pm. Summer is the reward at the end of the winter rainbow and it’s selfish, but fuck it, I want my reward. I’m 27 I don’t know how many summers I got left before a wife, kids, and a mortgage force me grow up and blacking out on 302s isn’t socially acceptable anymore when you have to push the stroller home.

Also, it’s not just happening in the south. I’ve seen crowds this big on people’s Instagram stories who are down the shore. Let’s be real with each other for a second. If we start stringing a bunch of 80 degree days together, no one is staying indoors and not enjoying their summer. You can beg and plead all you want, but there are going to be tons of house parties down the shore this year with hundreds of people. I was on Kelly Drive today and you think people were running a 5k for some charity. There were thousand of people side by side. If you’re old and at risk, sorry but you’re going to have to sit 2020 on the bench. Unless you want to end up on the cover of the New York Times.

P.S. I see you purple and you too pink. You think pink worked on that dump truck ass all winter so some old kook in the White House told her she couldn’t flaunt it? Free Wooderboys shirts to anyone who has either one’s @’s.

 

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