I can just imagine this guy crushing a set of 300 lb deadlifts on the hex bar clanging and banging and some jealous soy boy snitches on him by setting off the Lunk Alarm.




Some pipsqueak from the front desk probably had to run over and warn the Lunk that’s not how they get down here at The Planet. It’s a no judgement zone with no critics, but they set off an alarm louder than the iPhone Amber Alert when someone benches the 60lb max dumbbells. Our guy then moves over to the bench to bang out a superset of incline DB bench and flys to get a nice chest pop for his date with the inside all weekend. The last rep gets away from him and a loud grunt slips out and he drops the weight harder than expected. When you’re burning out your last 10 reps at 35lb flys (a new PR btw) what do you expect.

At that point the cops have to be called because there’s a madman running loose, and no way Planet can have this lunatic grunting and sweating all over the joint. The cops would’ve issued the lunk a citation, but he either forgot his name or refused to tell him his name. At that point I guess they couldn’t force the name out of him and he saved them no choice, but to arrest him onsite. If only the police had a clue embroidered on him that gave away what his name could’ve been.