Let’s Go! The first daughter of Philly! There are going to be so many kids born out of this pandemic named Hadley Jayne. Look at this kid! The cutest baby in the NFC East. Hey Saquon Barkley take your ugly wannabee Gerber baby and skidaddle Eli Manning’s mouth breathing kids.




More importantly this affects the Eagles season. Impeccable timing by Carson’s wife 9 months ago on that humid night in July when she whispered in his ear “cum in me”. I’m not saying that is what was said, but listen my sources are pretty strong and I was told that was word for word the situation. Ok fine – my source is Anthony Gargano. Peeping Tony just hangs out 24/7 in a tree outside Wentz’s house pretending to be a bird like John Lovitz in Little Nicky. 



That means Carson Wentz has been outfitted with dad strength now. He can lift cars off of people.  He can launch the ball 80 yards for Jalen Reagor go routes. He can throw Howie Roseman into the Delaware River from Nova Care. 

And we better not be hearing about how Hadley Jane is Jalen Hurts’ initials backwards on any sports radio talk shows. Or you can’t spell “Jalen Hurts Takes Carson Wentz’s Starting Quarterback Spot For Sunday’s Game” without Hadley Jane. I’m looking at you Joe Giglio.

What’re the chances Baby Harper and Baby Wentz get together and make a super two sport athlete like Deion Sanders and bring the Phillies and Eagles championships? -250?


This was mean. I laughed. But this was mean.