You’re going to have to wake up a lot earlier in the morning than that to not get spinzoned by Schefty! Turns out the Eagles drafted Jalen Hurts not because they wanted him to fill a Taysom Hill role or back up Carson in case of injury. It’s because gingers are more susceptible to the Coronavirus. There’s nothing to do except Rock Clap after that all time spinzone on this one.

 

rock clap

 

And what if Carson Wentz does get Coronavirus? He’s out 10-14 days while he’s quarantining? What if Carson Wentz gets a concussion? Hey Carson’s having a baby too. What if he slips on the baby’s new toys and falls onto a glass plate table and slits every major artery in his arm and is out for the season? Could happen. Might as well take Fromm or Eason if that’s the case since we’re a QB Factory now. Wrap Miles Sanders up in bubble wrap while you’re at it. Can’t risk him walking around Center City on a windy day as he takes a strap to the eyeball holding down a Union Rat.

 

rat

 

Could you imagine if there was actually any fact to this thought? So you waste a 2nd round pick on a QB, we find a cure within 12-18 months and then what? You passed up the opportunity to draft speed, WHEN EVERYONE IS STOCKPILING SPEED RIGHT NOW because you needed an insurance policy for a season? I know it’s not true because smartest guy in the room Howie would tell everyone if that was his focus, while he sat behind his shit eating grin as he tells himself he knows more than everyone.

 

P.S. I TAKE BACK ALL THE NICE THINGS I SAID ABOUT HIM ON THURSDAY.