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Fuuuuuccckkkkkk this.

Subletting is the worst. I feel like everyone’s had to sublet before due to roommate’s moving or failed relationships. Subletting rarely works out. You deal with that awkwardness of meeting the person, trying to feel them out, asking what they do for a living, and judging their life choices while also hoping they don’t murder you in your sleep. All in a matter of 30 minutes.

In college we needed a 4th roommate for my Junior year place at Temple. I don’t remember how we found this kid, but we met him at the SAC and basically just peppered him with questions. Once we were finished giving him the hardest interview of his life, which basically was, What’s your major? Where are you from? Why would you say you aren’t a psychopath? etc. we deemed him not crazy enough to room with us. For the first semester everything was great. Normal kid that did normal college kid stuff. The second semester though not so much.

My junior year Breaking Bad was on it’s last season of a historic run and all we talked about leading up to the start of the season was how much we couldn’t wait for the finale. The rando roommate waited until A WEEK before the finale to decide he wanted to catch up. For the next seven days he didn’t go to class, didn’t leave the house, and just banged out 5 seasons of Breaking Bad from the time he woke up to the time he went to bed. The worst part about it was we only had one TV in the living room and he’d be streaming Breaking Bad from sun up to sundown. I’m pretty sure there were times he’d do 24 hour marathon sessions and I’d wake up to go to class and he’d still be watching Walt and Jesse cook meth. It was honestly kind of impressive how someone could just stop their life for a whole week and not give a fuck about any responsibility. He of course completed his own version of the Ironman Breaking Bad Challenge and then just didn’t go to class the rest of the year. I think he just loved his new life of no responsibilities and I can’t blame him. I never saw that kid again after that. I’m pretty sure his parents made him transfer closer to home. Sometimes I wonder if he just looks like that girl Sarah who melted into the couch in the Above the Influence PSAs.



My story was an inconvenience, this was is an absolute nightmare. Nothing compares to having 50 different species of spider running around your house when you can’t go anywhere. This one is on the original people living there though. I feel like when you’re subletting there has to be a couple jobs you have to screen for. Witch/Psychic, spider zookeeper, stay at home pornstar, dockworker/fish salesman, or DJ/musician. I’m blaming this on the others in the apartment for not doing their homework. You have to prepare for anything. Were any of us ready for this pandemic? No. But you know what I live with someone in finance and the other is in marketing. Jobs that I know won’t require me to dodge any jumping spiders or tarantulas who want to eat me. There’s a reason I didn’t live with my buddy who tells his family he connects people when they ask what he does during the holidays. And no he’s not one of those LinkedIn Open Networker (LION) people we all hate. Gotta have a cloud of pessimism over you at all times to prepare for events like these.