Fuck Pizza Groundhog! He thinks he’s so funny because he can enjoy the fresh air and some pizza? I wish those dogs owner opened up that door and let them feast on Pizza Groundhog and then take his pizza. Then go over to his home and fuck Mrs. Pizza Groundhog. Fucking rat. I swear if this is some sign we have 6 more weeks of quarantine I’ll find the groundhog myself.

Look at this dumb fucking thing eating pizza. Just taunting all of us while we sit in quarantine and Pizza Groundhog is out eating our pizza, probably rummaging around bars, and fucking all the groundhogs he wants because he can.


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By the way, this isn’t easy for me to rebel against Pizza Groundhog like this. I was born on February 2nd. The greatest holiday in the whole calendar. Groundhogs day. Me and Pizza Groundhog are basically cousins. I’ll probably see him at the next holiday that doesn’t require a Meeting ID and password.

Pizza Groundhog should be more like his degenerate gambling cousin, Gus. Go spend your savings to feed your gambling addiction and stop taunting us with your freedom.



Remember Pizza Rat in New York? At least we’re not that despicable city. That was fucking gross. At least Pizza Groundhog is kinda cute even though he’d rip your face off with his claws if you got close to him.



Or his friend who was pulling a whole trashbag?



And then Buzzfeed went peak Buzzfeed and made an “Are you Pizza Rat?”quiz. Pizza Groundhog is probably going to have a show on Netflix by the time this pandemic is done.