I don’t mess with ghosts so I’m not going to make fun of this tactic. Goblins and ghouls? Fuck ’em. I’ll punt a goblin and stab a ghoul if it steps to me. And before you try to tell me that ghouls and ghosts are the same thing, they’re not. Read a book for me one time.


ghost ghoul


Look at ghouls! Not even given the will to live, completely useless. What’s worse then being a nobody or a never was? Being immaterial. Ghouls are pussies. They have to prey on children and stolen corpses for sustenance.

Anyway no doubt this move works. I’m telling you, you don’t mess with ghosts. Even ghosts that are dressed up in 100 thread count cotton bed sheets. Could you imagine minding your own business in the middle of the night walking the Indonesian streets, refusing to practice social distancing and these two pop out at you?


Screen Shot 2020-04-13 at 11.15.11 PM


Fuckkkkk that. Nope. That shit would scare me enough to stay indoors until the Big Rona has hightails it back to Asia. No way I’m taking a chance running into a ghost. Could you imagine if this was Philly? Just pay the bums to dress up as ghosts. Their pockets are already hurting because the lack of foot traffic and they’re already used to scaring people. They might as well make a wage off of it. People are chilling in Rittenhouse Square and having picnics and shit on any day that hits above 70 degrees. Now imagine the Philly PD sticks a couple of ghosts on a bench chopping it up with the guy who has tree bark for hair. You’re not going into that park. All of sudden you’ve lost your appetite for a picnic. Problem solved.

I know you’re probably thinking this is all hyperbole that I don’t fuck with ghosts, but I honestly don’t mess around with spirits. One time I woke up and my downstairs TV was on at 4am. The TV had been off for at least 5 hours. The building I live in is an old Bell Telephone warehouse. There’s a good chance there were some intern killed because a stack of phone books fell on him and he haunts this place turning the TV on at random hours of the night. Fuck ghosts.