I can only hope to get to the levels of rich that I would need a Chair Bitch. That’s one of the biggest flexes I’ve ever seen. Hey Chair Bitch get over here and move my chair so I can get up and entertain the people on Instagram live. This feels like a Dave Chappelle Making the Band skit. I thought Diddy was going to fire his Chair Bitch live on Instagram at the beginning. Chair Bitch didn’t act fast enough and almost paid for it.

What do you think the job description on Indeed was like for Diddy’s Chair Bitch. Must be able to carry packages over 45 lbs? Must be able to work nights and weekends even during a national emergency?  Background in woodworking preferred? What is the career path of a chair bitch? Do you graduate to comfy chair bitch? Throne Bitch? Are there quarterly check-ins? I have questions I need answered.

Diddy is on a hot streak right now! First he’s got Chair Bitches and then he’s going live on Instagram with ex-girlfriends and their current boyfriends. You know Diddy was just eyeballing A-Rod letting him know he might be fucking J. Lo now, but he was first, and he’ll always be first. And then J. Lo makes A-Rod look even more like a simp when she tells the guy she used to fuck how much her current guy loves him and he’s his hero. Diabolical!